Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Mail Mystery

I got a strange item in the mail the other day. There was no return address, but the postmark indicated the envelope was sent from Arizona. Inside, was a page torn from a magazine with an advertisement for a remarkable new serum that can transform my appearance within a few days.
At first, I thought it was a joke, or maybe someone sent it to the wrong address. But then, I noticed a hand-written note with my name on it. "Expressy, Call fast, it works. I only paid shipping," he or she wrote. No signature or sender's name. Only paid shipping, huh? How much does shipping cost for a new face? What would happen if I wanted to apply the product to my entire body? How much would that cost to ship freight rate?
Someone, please tell me why I was the target for a product claiming to be the greatest anti-aging breakthrough since Botox. Am I that old looking? Do I really need a face lift? Is it so obvious to everyone except me that I need to de-age-ify my appearance? Did someone feel sorry for me?

I'm confused. Why the mystery? Why didn't the sender sign her name so I would know who to thank when I was mistaken for a college student? Maybe she is so transformed after using the product that she no longer recognizes herself in the mirror. Her own mother doesn't open the door to strangers, which means the young-looking daughter is standing on her Mom's porch, having an identity crisis. 

What do you think?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dental Dilemma

I should have eaten before I went to the dentist for crown preparation. I was so hungry after my hour-and-twenty-minute appointment that I couldn't wait to eat. Ever tried to suck through a straw or eat a hamburger when only one side of your mouth is operable? I've made a mess all over myself and the table.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Take this day and flush it!

I had such a shitty day, I had to change pants twice...

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

President's Day

I cooked a grand slam breakfast on Sunday morning, complete with eggs, grits, bacon, pancakes, and coffee. It was a real hit! Ha ha!

I have some rock necklaces left if anyone wants one. Free while supplies last. I’m not sure if the mail will deliver on Monday since it’s President’s Day. How will we celebrate President’s Day now that Clinton has been found out? We could swap spouses and pretend it didn’t happen.

When Cappi was here this week she gave me a lesson on how to load the dishwasher. Now I only have to run one load per week instead of one load per day. That girl can pack a DW better than college students can pack a VW! Don’t worry Mom, you still hold the record for packing the trunk of a car.