Time Warp 1999

I feel like I’m living in a time warp or in suspended animation. My yard is tore up, the garage is a mess, cars parts are decorating our dead lawn, the house is being redecorated, I have a dog with no brain, and my daughter NEEDS her eyebrow pierced. I would like to schedule my nervous breakdown now.

The garage is so messy; it’s starting to look like the upstairs. My Son took the engine and transmission out of the Blazer. There’s grease, oil and colored fluids on the floor so naturally the carpet and walls upstairs have been decorated with a variety of hand and footprints. The Blazer is in a thousand pieces in the garage, and My Son is spending his time doing bodywork on his Camaro. He’s in no hurry to finish since he bought a $400 Ford Festiva to drive while he works on the other cars. I called to make sure our homeowner’s policy covers injuries related to tripping over car parts.

The blind dog has an earache, probably due to where Annie bit her. My Daughter got up puking this morning, but she went on to work. I told her that if she stayed home, she’d have to clean her room. If she doesn’t clean it soon, the Better Homes and Garages Police could arrest us. There are things growing in the kid’s rooms that can’t be talked about online. Nothing is growing outside though. We had a salad lawn, but we put weed killer on it. Now that the dandelions, wild onions, and poke salad died, we don’t have a lawn. It wouldn’t matter anyway, since tractor man rearranged it. Which reminds me; our subdivision is having a yard sale. I doubt anyone would want to buy my yard, but I’d like to sell my neighbor and my dog! Annie has torn up almost everything, so I do have a lot of junk in the house that I need to get rid of. On second thought, perhaps I should keep the old furniture; it matches the messed up carpet.