Holiday Humor to Alleviate Seasonal Depression

Well it’s that time of year when turkeys are on display in public places – it’s a precursor for the fat guy in the red suit that appears in December each year. I hope things will go better this year than last. 

Mom called and asked the standard question, “Are you ready for Christmas?” I’m never ready for Christmas, and it seems to me that there is some competition involved in asking such a question. Is this a barometer by which women measure their progress? A report card with As for the ones who are ahead of the pack and Ds for those who are barely making the race for the December 24 finish line? Hell, most men don’t even start their shopping until then!

I tried to boycott the season last year but mom came to town, pulled the tree down from the attic, and left it standing cock-eyed in the living room. My Daughter and My Husband decorated it with the only three strings of lights that survived from the previous year, and used paper clips to hang the bedraggled balls and ornaments. By the way, where do those wire ornament hooks go during the summer? Do they melt in the attic, or do they find the hole in the dryer where the socks go? So the family won. They had a tree, but what about gifts? 

My Husband coaxed me into going to the stores with him by promising to let me sit in the food court and drink coffee while he stood in line to pay. Three days before the annual migration southward to visit the extended dysfunctional family and other turkeys, I took the tree down. There wasn’t a trace of tinsel turmoil when we left. I was depressed, I’m telling you. I was the last one to pack my suitcase, and the last one into the car, but at least I stood my ground. That’s about the best a co-dependent could do in her first year of recovery.  

Why are we so consumed with Mall Mania and Holiday Hoopla anyway? Is it to test our endurance level and see how much stress we can take without cracking up? No one remembers what you got them last year, but it was probably the same thing they got you the year before that. We could save time and money by wrapping a note that reads, “1997: Ditto.” We could put up lights in May when it’s warm outside. I’m doing the best I can to enjoy the season. Perhaps I’ll celebrate in April when fools admit to their foolishness.

(1997)