Monday, December 15, 2008

Mama's Visit

Well, mama came as she promised. She drove all the way from Georgia on Tuesday night, and by morning she had everything dragged out of the attic and had that sick-looking seven-foot plastic tree standing in the corner. No decorations, mind you. She had to be back for choir practice on Wednesday night. So, she strewed the fa-la-la-la shit all over the living room and left.

I know she thought she was being helpful, but she has to learn to respect my need to sulk and feel sorry for myself. The Xmas stuff laid here for four days until My Daughter finally got tired of tripping over boxes. She randomly threw three strings of lights and two-dozen ornaments on the tree. If mom doesn’t come back after Christmas and put this mess back into the attic, the tree will still be in the living room come Easter. It probably won’t be standing though. It has fallen over three times already, once on top of My Daughter. My Husband is doing the holiday shopping, cause like I said before; I’m on strike from holiday hoopla.

My Son’s car has a new hood ornament in keeping with the holiday spirit. He un-expectantly went reindeer hunting on Noblesville Road last week. He hit a deer and went off the road into a ditch. A man in a pickup truck following behind him saw what happened and pulled the Camaro out with a rope. The front grill of the Camaro has reindeer antlers. I suggested that he take some of this crappy tinsel from the living room and decorate his car.

I’m experiencing a loss of concentration. I’ve made so many mistakes at work over the last few weeks; it’s not even funny. I almost sent the Mayor to a luncheon today that wasn’t until next Wednesday. That would have been horrible especially since he crashed the wrong party last week on his own. There he was shaking hands and introducing himself, and eating these peoples’ food when he realized he was at the wrong house.

Mom says she thinks I’m still depressed. That’s funny. How could I be depressed? I don’t have any problems. Life has been a bowlful of "cheeries" or cherries – with pits!

I know how to cure depression. I went to the mall. I ended up at Victoria’s No-Secret. I figure if I’m going to die from sorrow, I may as well look sexy and smell good. Dillard’s was having a clearance sale, so while I was in the mall, I decided to help them clear their inventory. I dread seeing the Visa bill in January.

My Daughter tried to cheer me up. She gave me some of her teenager clothes, and I didn’t have any better sense than to wear them. Speaking of bills, the phone statement seems to indicate that My Son and his girlfriend in Ohio are still an item. I have a new girlfriend named Jean. She is having an affair with Jesus. We’ll see how long our relationship lasts.

I’ve gotta go for now. I feel like crying the holiday blues.



1 comment:

Sun Singer said...

Holiday vicissitudes make interesting memories.