Sunday, May 10, 2009

Hello Elmo

The year was 1999 and ....

Dear Pachyderm Pen Pals,

We bought a white plaster elephant yesterday. Of course, it was on sale. I painted it light green, named him Elmo. So, I admit it, we have an elephant in the living room, right beside the sofa.

You should have seen us trying to get Elmo home in the two-seater. First of all, elephants are REAL heavy, and REAL men don’t use shopping carts. He-man insisted on carrying it all the way to the car only to find that he couldn’t get to the keys in his pocket to unlock the trunk. Never mind -- it wouldn’t fit in the trunk anyway. On the way to the car, My Husband knocked Elmo’s head on the rear view mirror of the conversion van parked next to us. That set off the most hideous sounding alarm that went on and on. After making sure Elmo didn’t have a concussion, I opened the car door and quickly folded down the ragtop of the miniature convertible before My Husband had a hernia. All the while, I was scanning the parking lot to see if the van’s owner was coming out with an elephant gun. I tried not to laugh, honestly, I did.
The only place Elmo would fit was on the deck where the ragtop folds down. He had a great view and could wave at all his animals friends in the passing vehicles. We got some pretty strange looks taking our elephant for a ride in a Miata. My advice is: If you ever buy an elephant, take the truck to the store.

See you later alligator. After while, crocodile. In a term, pachyderm.
SENT: May 30, 1999 2:32 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Hello Elmo

Sorry I missed the elephant thing - sounds like it was quite entertaining. A green elephant in the living room, huh? Just be careful who you tell that to. They might think the little voices in your head have been talking to you again.

Another thought: could Elmo be a suitable replacement for Annie? Hmmmm.......

SENT: May 30, 1999 2:32 PM

And what is wrong with hearing little voices?

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