Poopy puppy

This is from 1999, but it's still funny.

Dear Animal Lovers,

Okay, I admit it. A new puppy was NOT a good idea. We called the place we bought her last night to see what we are doing wrong. They are convinced that Weimaraners are smart animals, and can learn if you discipline them. My house is still a mess, and we have worn out the Sunday paper whacking that dog for chewing on Indy and the furniture. She thinks it’s a game. We must be dumb parents. I failed the Human Parenting 101 class at church one time, why should I expect to pass Dog Parenting 202? She’s a fun dog, but she consumes a lot of time and energy that I don’t have to give.

I took both dogs to the vet today. I strapped Annie’s harness to the seatbelt in the back and put the old, blind dog (Indy) in the front with me. Indy peed in her seat and wanted to sit in my lap while I was driving. I guess she didn’t want to get her butt wet. It took two vet assistants to get both dogs out of the car and into the building. Waiting in that small treatment room was a trip without luggage. Indy gets nervous at the vet because she can’t see what’s going on. She likes to be held while she shakes. Annie was jealous and kept biting at her. Blind dog got mad and snapped at Annie. She missed and almost bit ME. Annie got her puppy booster shot today. The vet gave her a pawdicure. Perhaps trimming her nails will be less damaging for our possessions. They also cleaned her ears. Maybe her inability to obey was because she couldn’t hear. I asked them for a prescription to help her stop gnawing the furniture. They said there was nothing they could do. She’s simply hard of minding. She has chewed the corner of the coffee table, and torn a hole in the skirt of the side chair. The antique end table she chewed is now on top of her kennel. Trying to write a check was a Candid Camera event. It felt like my pen was in a Spirograph. The dogs were going around and around my legs, and I kept turning in circles trying to unwrap myself. Can dogs be put on Ritalin?

I saw photos of the Oklahoma bombing on TV. It reminded me of our living room after Annie has been out of her cage for 10 minutes. Our Weimaraner puppy is 16 weeks old today. Life is a game. She keeps landing on “go directly to jail, do not pass go, and do not collect $200.” Yep, her avenue is parked in her jail cell (kennel), right this moment and she’s barking for the warden. Perhaps she can be paroled after supper if she promises not to jump and hump on Indy.

Last night Annie decided to give herself a bath. I heard her lapping water and thought she was drinking from the toilet again. I walked into the bathroom and found Annie with her head and both front feet in the tub, and her rear hanging out. I had left about an inch of water in the bathtub. When she saw me, she got all the way into the tub. I watched to see what she would do. She pawed at the drain hole, splashing water on her belly. She didn’t realize she was wetting herself, and turned around to see who was doing that to her. Seeing no one, she returned to pawing the drain more frantically, wetting her belly even more. Again she turned to see who was wetting her. I drained the water, but she wouldn’t get out so I reached over and turned on the shower. She bolted out of the tub and I thought I had a good hold on her, but she jumped right back into the tub, shower and all. That is ironic, since she hates going out in the rain. Go figure! I got it on videotape to watch later. Well, what can I say? It’s cheap entertainment.

Annie got into a stack of clothes hangers yesterday. She tore the paper covers into bits and chewed the cardboard sticks off the pants hangers. That was enough mess, but when I found her she was trying to pierce her tongue with a coated metal wire. It’s bad enough trying to deter my teenager from having her eyebrow pierced, without the dog having to join forces against me.
The house is in such a mess that my teenaged daughter is telling me I need to clean it. I ignored her just like she does me when I tell her to clean her room. She had a friend over yesterday while I was at work. She cleaned the house to keep from being embarrassed. I was going to get around to it, but I couldn’t find the mop. When I asked the other house residents about it, I found out that My Husband had taken it to the dump with the trash because it stank so badly. I guess I have put it through the wringer lately cleaning up after Annie.